100 Hilarious Funny Quotes to Brighten Your Day Laugh

100 Hilarious Funny Quotes to Brighten Your Day Laugh

Laughter is the lingua franca that needs no interpreters and bridges gaps. In a world like ours, which seems almost too weighty at times, there is nothing better than some good laughter to make one forget all about it. Funny quotes have this way of lightening our mood and reminding us not to take life so seriously. Whether it be some urbane piece of observation, some clever one-liner, or some downright comedic distortion of everyday situations, funny quotes never fail to raise your spirits.

100 funny quotes

1. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper

2. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” – Unknown

3. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown

4. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Unknown

5. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!” – Unknown

6. “I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy.” – Unknown

7. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.” – Unknown

8. “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.” – Unknown

9. “The problem with candy is that it’s bad for you. The solution is to eat more candy.” – Unknown

10. “I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

11. “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.” – Unknown

12. “I’m a huge fan of whiteboards. They’re re-markable!” – Unknown

13. “I’m not short, I’m just more down to earth than other people.” – Unknown

14. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Unknown

15. “I’m a firm believer in the law of attraction. I’ve been attracted to a lot of food lately.” – Unknown

16. “I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.” – Unknown

17. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Unknown

18. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.” – Unknown

19. “I’m not great at math, but I know that two wrongs don’t make a right – but three rights make a left.” – Unknown

20. “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown

21. “I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days.” – Unknown

22. “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Unknown

23. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” – Earl Wilson

24. “I’m not sure how I feel about this. It’s a ‘no’ for me, but it’s also a ‘maybe’.” – Unknown

25. “My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry.” – Unknown

26. “I have a split personality,” said Tom, being Frank.” – Unknown

27. “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Unknown

28. “I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.” – Unknown

29. “My goal this weekend is to move just enough so people know I’m not dead.” – Unknown

30. “I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in the way.” – Unknown

31. “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown

32. “Sometimes I think I’m allergic to mornings.” – Unknown

33. “I’m not procrastinating. I’m doing side quests.” – Unknown

34. “I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.” – Unknown

35. “If you were any more in shape, you’d be a circle.” – Unknown

36. “I’m not weird. I’m just limited edition.” – Unknown

37. “I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

38. “I don’t need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown

39. “I’m not old. I’m just well-seasoned.” – Unknown

40. “Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.” – Unknown

41. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper

42. “I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.” – Unknown

43. “I told my computer I needed a break, and it gave me a Kit-Kat ad.” – Unknown

44. “Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.” – Unknown

45. “I’m not arguing. I’m just passionately expressing my viewpoint.” – Unknown

46. “If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m having a parent-teacher conference.” – Unknown

47. “I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.” – Unknown

48. “I’m not good at math, but I know that two wrongs don’t make a right. But three rights make a left.” – Unknown

49. “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!” – Unknown

50. “If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” – Harry S. Truman

51. “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.” – Unknown

52. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde

53. “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown

54. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Unknown

55. “My brain is like a web browser. I have 19 tabs open, 3 of them are frozen, and I don’t know where the music is coming from.” – Unknown

56. “I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

57. “I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.” – Unknown

58. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson

59. “I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in the way.” – Unknown

60. “Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.” – Unknown

61. “I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.” – Unknown

62. “I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.” – Unknown

63. “I’m not weird. I’m just limited edition.” – Unknown

64. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.” – Unknown

65. “I’m on a diet, but I’m also on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.” – Unknown

66. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Unknown

67. “I have a split personality,” said Tom, being Frank.” – Unknown

68. “I’m not procrastinating. I’m doing side quests.” – Unknown

69. “My goal this weekend is to move just enough so people know I’m not dead.” – Unknown

70. “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.” – Unknown

71. “I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in the way.” – Unknown

72. “Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.” – Unknown

73. “I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

74. “I don’t need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown

75. “If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” – Harry S. Truman

76. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Unknown

77. “My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry.” – Unknown

78. “I’m not sure if I’m hungry or just bored. Either way, I’m eating.” – Unknown

79. “I’m not old. I’m just well-seasoned.” – Unknown

80. “I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

81. “I’m not arguing. I’m just passionately expressing my viewpoint.” – Unknown

82. “I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.” – Unknown

83. “I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days.” – Unknown

84. “I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.” – Unknown

85. “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown

86. “I’m not short, I’m just more down to earth than most people.” – Unknown

87. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.” – Unknown

88. “I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

89. “I’m a huge fan of whiteboards. They’re re-markable!” – Unknown

90. “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown

91. “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown

92. “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.” – Unknown

93. “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.” – Unknown

94. “I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.” – Unknown

95. “I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.” – Unknown

96. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” – Earl Wilson

97. “I’m not lazy. I’m just on my energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

98. “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Unknown

99. “If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” – Harry S. Truman

100. “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Unknown

Conclusion

Laughter indeed is the best medicine, and how more so than with a belly full of 100 funny quotes? From witty one-liners to clever puns, these quotes are sure to fire up your funny bone and put a smile right on your face. Whether one is lightening up the situation or just sharing a belly laugh with the buddies, these quotes manifest that sometimes a single good laugh can really transform any day. Spread on the good vibes and remember, at times, it only takes a dash of good humor to brighten up your day.

FAQs

  1. What are some famous, funny quotes for social media?
    Some of the famous funny quotes for social media are:
    “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” — Tommy Cooper
    “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” — Unknown
    “I’m not lazy. I’m just in energy-saving mode.” — Unknown
    These are very short, witty, and just perfect to be shared with friends and followers.
  2. Will funny quotes work for motivation?
    Absolutely! Funny quotes can sometimes be entertaining and even motivational. Humor generally makes the setting light and often creates a different perspective toward facing a challenge. For example, “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” —Unknown, uses humor to get up and try again.
  3. How can I find more funny quotes like these?

You can also try digging more on online quote databases, social media, and humor sites. Books, comedy acts, or even some very good material in popular TV shows or movies are likewise a good source.

  1. Can I use funny quotes on my blog or website?

Funny quotes, in bits, on your blog or website can help keep the readers engaged, adding a character to the content. Proper attribution will have to be done, and no copyrighted material is used without permission.

  1. Are there any copyright concerns with using funny quotes?

Most of the funny quotes fall under public domains, especially those of unknown authors. Still, copyrighted works-of which some quotes are a part-are products for which permission should be elicited in order to be used. Always look at the source and attribution of the quote to be used to make sure that you respect the copyright laws.

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